Thursday, August 25, 2011 x 9:36 PM

Long since I blogged. :(

Lots on my mind.

For one I keep falling asleep way too early because I just get really sleepy at this time (it's freaking only 9:36PM), but today I swear ima finish packing my bag at least.

Oh wait I have chem consult tmr I gotta sort out some more chem first!

And okay anyway to the crux of the blogpost..

After lots of mental debating with myself I cannot even decide for myself what I want.

It all started with this. If you recall an earlier blogpost showing the trailer of "The Art of Getting By", I might've also posted the one about "Stupid Crazy Love".

The trailers both really make me wanna watch but it's kinda promos period so it'll be hard to get people. Let alone someone who wants to watch a romcom.

Okay you can assume what I thought about then. Like who I wanted to ask.

Then, I freaking got really confused.

Maybe blogging does help me to understand my own feelings.. Felt like I had an epiphany back there. But seriously, just a suggestion to everyone who's reading this.. Start writing about your own thoughts and feelings and you might actually feel better or realise what you truly want :)

Okays so back from sidetracking, so I got really confused right, about my true feelings and feeling stressed out over studies yet I was still doing (what I think was quite minimal compared to what I could be doing so pretty much) nothing much about it. I have no idea how long I procrastinated my EoM and I can't even imagine to think of the lousy reasons i did. :/

ANYWAY POINT BEING, I think deep down inside I always knew. I'm actually sort of a perfectionist I guess. But I guess I'm kinda realistic though I call myself one. I mean to be totally honest (well that's just being me but still), I knew it was impractical to aim for straight 'A's for promo results. (which isn't impossible if I worked for it I think but still) so I was aiming like A for math, B for chem (because I really didn't want to disappoint my chem teacher who is really good) and I don't really care about the rest so long as I can average C it.

How else am I a perfectionist? I'm constantly trying to do (or well, learn) break dance moves which are outta my league (well, not really but they are really hard) to learn hoping that maybe my body will react instinctively and twist so I would get it easy. But no that never happens.

Same reason as above, I'm afraid that the true reason I think I'm into her is because I'm in love with trying to get unattainable things yet I'm too afraid to do anyrhing about it.

(So I fell asleep here wth alarm rang went back to sleep -.-)

So I think it's because I'm scared of failing that my body has conditioned itself to switch off when I try to study. It's because I'm scared of failing that I don't really dare to talk to her.

It's because I can't understand whether I like her or I like trying to get what's unattainable or that I'm just afraid of talking to her that I don't dare to talk to her.

This is confusing me ttm -.-

Labels: Life